You deserve prince charming and he does exist.

Hello everyone! I’m very sorry that so much time has elapsed since my last post! Today I wanted to write about relationships. Specifically, why every woman deserves a prince (or princess) charming. First off. Yes, he exists. Or if in your case you are looking for a woman, she exists too. For this post I am only going to touch on males simply because for a very long time I believed good men (and therefore prince charming) didn’t exist or was already taken. I also believed that if I did come across a good man who was single, I did not deserve him.

This is one of the many lies our brains tells us when we have survived trauma. We have had these untrue notions beaten into our very brain wiring so hard that realizing a simple truth is very hard. For most of my life I believed that I didn’t deserve a good partner. I only amounted to someone who beat me, tortured me and belittled me. I believed that if a good man presented interest in me I was to save him from me and push him away. During my extremely traumatic marriage to a bad man I befriended another man. I met him through another friend of mine while I was visiting her in the hospital. He was immediately warm, friendly and quite funny. What really caught my eye was how respectful he was. Not too much longer after we met I learned another side of this man. He was protective. He was protective, not possessive and he knew the difference. He could see the abuse I was barely surviving and he helped me. During the darkest times of my life he brought light and hope that I could rise from the darkness. He knew of my mental illness, my addictions and my suffering. Instead of fearing me, he worked to understand me.

A few years passed. We spent less time together as my life changed and I had a child. Then we became close again. Next I realized I had fallen in love with him and that he had with me. It was liberating, beautiful, spiritual, celestial…but it was also terrifying. He was a good man. Understanding, loving, respectful, protective and encouraging. He worked every day to show me the strength and beauty of my soul, mind and body…but I wasn’t ready to believe him. I still very much hated myself and believed the lies I had been fed my whole life. At one point we found ourselves very close, sharing embarrassed, kisses, deep conversations and love….but my fear of not being good enough for him, or breaking if I lost him turned me away. I made excuses, I pushed him away…I hurt him deeply. To this day my heart aches that my fear touched his life at that point in such a negative way.

Just shy of two years passed and I had cut him entirely out of my life. I thought about him almost every day. And at night the pain would become unbearable at times. I wanted to forget about him and to stop loving him but I was incapable of such actions. Finally, I came to the realization that the man I believed God had made for me was him…and that I had thrown him away. I broke down, I cried and screamed. I journaled and talked in therapy. I went to God and I begged for further enlightenment and growth. I grew and learned and grew more. After nearly two years, learning to love and respect myself and realizing that my happiness didn’t have to be based off of someone else I gathered the courage to contact him.

I was terrified, actually when we were on the phone my pulse was about 210 beats per minute. It was a scary situation, but it felt right. All he said at first was: “You talk and I’ll listen”. We talked for a long time. We both cried, we laughed…pretty soon many more conversations were had and now…we are together. I finally see the things about myself that he saw years ago and I finally can say I love myself. Now…I know I deserve a good man, my very own prince charming. Yes, I do not need someone else to complete me, but having him in my life I feel as if everything in my universe is as it should be. I can say I have never been happier, healthier or stronger. He builds me up as I build him, we build ourselves individually as well as a couple. I love him and he loves me. We deserve each other and I promise you, you deserve your very own prince charming.

One of the greatest things about my man is that he is patient and understanding of my illnesses and healing journey. When he doesn’t understand, he asks and strives to learn. He is gentle and kind. Just last night I accidentally dropped a dish and it shattered on the floor. I felt the muscles in my body tense immediately, ready for punishment. This wasn’t because I thought he would hurt me, but because the way my mind has been wired to react when I have made a mistake. I had grown very accustomed to verbal and physical abuse as a punishment…even for something as innocent as breaking a dish. Immediately he said: “it’s okay, it was an accident. Let me help you clean it up!” he even asked me to let him do it so I wouldn’t accidentally cut myself on the shards. We cleaned up the mess in a few minutes and he softly reminded me that everything was okay. This, my friends, is how you deserve to be treated. So you broke a dish or forgot an appointment, or to pay a bill. It was an accident and you do not deserve to be met with anger, hostility or abuse of any kind.

You have every right to stop accepting unhealthy and abusive relationships. Don’t listen to the poison abusers have put into your mind. Try to get to the bottom of why you accept bad relationships and then rewire your brain. It’s  often a long and difficult process, but it is very possible! The day I began to know true happiness was the day I started loving myself and believing the truth…not the past. Now that I have gotten there, I am ready for a healthy, happy and supportive love. I know you will be too. It takes time. Don’t give up!

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2 thoughts on “You deserve prince charming and he does exist.

  1. I would like to comment here as well and share my experience about my recent dating experience. Please forgive me if it is off-topic or too frank
    Due to my hectic schedule I met some single women using matchmaking service and found something common among all of them:
    • Despite high level of education they all seem to be narrow minded with limited interest to anything else beside their work
    • They are unattractive but very high maintenance
    • They look very cold and emotionless (they do not trying to hide their emotions form expression they simply do not have them)
    • Most importantly, they are looking neither for friend nor for the spouse so this is why they are lonely and they like it!!

    1. Thyroid geek, yeah there are a lot of people out there (men and women alike) who display those characteristics. I know I have encountered some. I know it can be very hard not to become bitter about dating when you’ve had these experiences, but I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that a positive attitude goes a long way. Again, it is hard! It took me a long time to get away from being so pessimistic about finding someone worth my time and heart. I found that most of the people I met who display the same traits you listed were very early in their maturing and healing process (if applicable). They either didn’t know what they wanted or were not healing. If someone has been hurt and they haven’t yet made the transition to survivor and believe they deserve crap…they tend to go for jerks, get into dangerous relationships and allow others to hurt them. I feel I can say this because this was me for many years. I believed I deserved to be with jerks because I was worth nothing. My abusers were set on convincing me I was trash. I think the last point you made is the most common issue I ran into in the past. So many people in our society seem to be hell-bent on avoiding true, meaningful relationships! It’s annoying to someone like me who craves something real and wonderful. Keep your chin up, she is out there!

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